Motherhood / Podcast

045: How to Confront Hard Truth in a “My Truth” Culture with Grace, Humility + a Little Sass

04.17.19

You guys—I slid into Cavanaugh James’s DMs and now he’s on the podcast—the power of Instagram!! You probably know him from his incredible Instagram videos. In one video he made up a song about the real reason he goes to parties and I have never felt so seen. (I may or may not have gotten him to sing it on the podcast!!). He also recently released his book, “Higher Power Has A Name.” We got to chat about faith, loving others well, and confronting hard truth in a “my truth” culture with grace, humility, and a little sass.

Finding His Platform

    • He discusses where those IG videos began. “I started doing them just out of boredom and irritation for bad Christian comedy.”
    • He talks about how it took him a while to feel comfortable in his skin. Now, he’s not afraid to laugh at his own jokes.
    • He moved to LA in 2015 to join the Groundlings improv program. He noticed that scenes would quickly turn dirty or perverse. He wanted to be funny without falling into that.
    • “I had a bone to pick with darkness.”
    • He wanted his comedy to be uplifting rather than divisive.

Holding Faith

    • Cavanaugh talks about living his life fully with others who don’t share his faith.
    • His faith is born out of relationships and friendships. He reflects on being lonely until he went to college and started meeting new people.
    • “I don’t change in whatever environment I’m in.”
    • “I’m not about trying to change people’s minds—I’m trying to love.”
    • He doesn’t tone down his beliefs and he doesn’t expect others to either.

“We’re called to actually walk in hand with other people.”

 

Loving Others

    • “We’re supposed to be loving people and letting the Lord do the rest.”
    • He talks about loving others without an agenda.
    • “A big chunk of why there is such a divide between mainstream culture and the church is the agenda of the church.”
    • He challenges others to think about the golden rule—how would we feel if we were in a certain situation.
    • “How would I receive it? What is the way I could hear this that I would know that I am loved?”
    • We discuss enneagrams, of course, and talk about the price we pay for wanting to be right all the time.

“There is no reason- not one- for someone to walk through this life feeling alone.”

Keep up with Cavanaugh on Instagram at @cavanaughjames and his website CavanaughJames.com. (P.S. You should buy his book!)

Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love!

Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey.

XO,

Kat Harris

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Podcast

044: How to Date Intentionally + Pursue Creatively with Audrey Roloff

04.10.19

This week, Audrey Roloff is on the podcast! She just released a book with her husband, Jeremy Roloff, called “A Love Letter Life:  Pursue Creatively, Date Intentionally, Love Faithfully” and it is number two on Amazon! (Buy it here!!) But it didn’t happen overnight. Writing their book was a two-year process.

What writing a book with your husband is really like…

    • While Audrey had a tendency to think everything was urgent, Jeremy kept them grounded and reminded her that not everything was the end of the world.
    • “We have learned to recognize our differences as gifts that we get to bring to each other”

The Way They Met

    • The two were set up on a blind date by friends. They thought their friends were crazy because they were fresh out of relationships. But their friends were adamant.
    • They were fascinated by each other as human beings, but “It was not this sparks flying kind of a night.”
    • They remained friends for two whole years. Then, 10 days before Jeremy left for film and photography school, they decided to start dating.
    • Jeremy had a very public life on the TLC show “Little People, Big World.” But since their relationship had to be long distance for so long, they were able to keep it out of the public eye. Their book is the story that was never shared during that time.
    • One month after graduation, they got married.

The Patient Pursuit

    • They were in seasons of personal growth when they met—and they were young! Audrey was not looking for a boyfriend, but Jeremy realized a week after they met that they wanted more.
    • They refer to the next two years as the “patient pursuit.” Jeremy wasn’t aggressive about it, but he remained in her life as a friend.
    • They wanted time to get to know each other and become friends without the added confusion of physical intimacy.
    • As a result, their relationship was built on patience, beauty, effort, and intention.
    • “Stop settling for convenient relationships—relationships aren’t convenient.”
    • Audrey recognizes that relationships are about breaking down the walls around you and learning to build new ones around your relationship.

Lessons Learned

    • Through their long distance relationship, they realized the importance of overcommunicating and being creative in how they loved each other. Audrey believes navigating this time is what set them up for marriage.
    • They don’t claim to be marriage experts. “We wanted to write this book while being in the same season as the person we are writing to.”
    • Social media is limited, and they wanted to share more than just their highlight reel.

Advice For The Woman Who Thinks There Are No Guys Out There:

    • “If you believe the lie that ‘there are no guys out there for me,’ then you’re going to live that lie.”
    • Reach out to friends who know you, love you and trust you—ask them to set you up!
    • “You can’t help who you fall in love with, but you can help who you spend time with.”

How To Date Intentionally

    • Pursue friendship—be a good friend to the person you are dating.
    • Ask hard questions—it’s easy to get lost in a cloud of feelings. Do you know about their upbringing? The way they handle conflict? Momentary honesty might sting, but long-term lies are infectious.”
    • She recognizes that getting everything out in the open is key. “Illuminate our past in order to imagine for our future.”
    • Live our lives more—look up from our phones and be present with everyone. “You may have met your husband, but you were on the phone.”

Keep up with Audrey on Instagram at @audreyroloff, her and Jeremy’s website TheRoloffs.com, and their podcast Behind the Scenes.

Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love!

Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey.

XO,

Kat

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Podcast

043: The Top 5 Self Care Practices that Cost You Nothing!

03.27.19

Another week, another episode recorded from my Brooklyn closet. This week, I wanted to talk with you about self-care.  I used to think self-care meant spending a ton of money on massages, weekend getaways, and manicures…But some of the most beneficial self-care rhythms I’ve implemented in my life over the last few years have been completely free.

    1. Sleep
    • Studies have shown that sleep deprivation can be linked to weight gain, high blood pressure, comprised immune system, memory loss, and type 2 diabetes.
    • Now I am committed to sleeping at least seven hours a night. And I’ve noticed I have more consistent energy and focus throughout the day, and am less foggy headed.
    1. Be mindful of alcohol + caffeine consumption
    • Even though alcohol is a depressant, it spikes our heart rates and can cause poor sleep. To fix this, we often turn to caffeine which jolts our system again.
    • im not going to sit here + tell you to stop drinking both cold turkey—but I’d say pause + think about your relationship with both alcohol + coffee.
    1. Quiet Time
    • I was in a bad habit of checking email and social media before I got out of bed. This started my day off with stress and anxiety.
    • Now, I allow an hour for this each morning, and I soak up every moment. If you’re new to this, try sitting quietly in a comfortable place for 15 minutes before your day gets started.

    1. Meal Prep
    • Before, I’d find myself running from one thing to the next. I’d blink and realize it was 3:00 p.m. and that I hadn’t eaten since breakfast.
    • I’m no chef — I make things simple and easy. But having meals ready that I can grab and take with me helps prevent me from headaches, making less healthy choices, and maybe the worst symptom of all: being hangry.
    1. Rest
    • I had to let go of FOMO and trust that creating space in my life to rest was setting me up for success to be more present throughout the rest of my week.

Do you feel exhausted or stuck too? Girl, I get it! I challenge you to practice these five things for the next month. I’m living proof that it’s possible to create new rhythms. It’s all about starting slow with small decisions, being patient, and committing to the process!

Have some thoughts on self care? Let’s start a dialogue! (Even if you don’t agree with me!) Share your thoughts on IG and tag us! Did you know that outside of @therefinedwoman Instagram account, we also have an account for the podcast? It’s under @therefinedcollective. So head over to Instagram to see all things podcast related.

Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search ‘The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love!

Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey.

XO,

Kat

Check out this episode!