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The Refined Collective // Movement

Photos c/o Sara Kerens // This post is a part of our monthly Refined Collective Series.  Be sure and check out the other ladies involved in this months conversation:  Lauren Scruggs, Brynn Watkins, Jackie Viramontez, and other ladies on our instagram!

Lately, I’ve noticed how many lies and fears I accept as truth.  Through conversations with loved ones, I’ve seen that they do it too.  It’s as though there are certain areas of our lives where we’ve thrown in the towel.  We end up believing this is just the way it is; it’s a part of my life/circumstances/how the world works—there’s nothing I can do about it.  

Enough is enough.  For all of us.

Why do we accept fear and lies in our life?  I think there are a myriad of nuanced answers to this.

Moving through fear takes courage, commitment, and time.  There’s not a quick fix.  Transformation isn’t overnight; it’s a process.  And it’s hard work to dig into our thought life, belief systems, and world views and challenge the way we live.  It can feel easier—and sometimes is—to just stay where we’re at.

Recently I had a compelling conversation with a friend.  We sat on a bench facing the Manhattan skyline and poured our hearts out to one another.

She’s an aspiring artist, and for years has really wanted to make it.  But there’s always been an excuse for not going full throttle.  Whether it was her full-time job, lack of time, connections, or resources, she always justified why she wasn’t where she wanted to be creatively.

She finally got tired of it and zoomed way out of her life to figure out the why behind the excuses.  Buried deep underneath was fear of failure, rejection, and success.

Her words gripped me as she confessed how much she had sabotaged this dream because of fear.  I completely resonated with her.  Flashes went through my mind where I could see my own excuses and glimpses of sabotage.

Excuses and the story lines we tell ourselves keep us stuck.  We may not be back peddling, but we’re definitely not moving forward.  Reflecting on my conversation, I started addressing my stories—the ones I have used time and time again:

I don’t have enough money
I don’t have enough time
I don’t have what it takes
If they really knew who I was, they’d reject me in a heartbeat

I’ve also self-sabotaged by:

  • Waiting until the last minute to do something.
    • Paying my credit card late because I didn’t want to deal with it, and getting a penalty.
    • Waiting to address conflict until it was so bad that the relationship was damaged in a way that it wouldn’t have if I had just addressed it earlier.
  • Creating unnecessary drama to prove my stories were true.
    • Dating womanizing, commitment-phobic men.  When things inevitably ended I felt worthless.
    • Not filling my car up with gas because I didn’t want to waste time to stop, and then running out of gas and wasting way more time.
    • Not giving myself enough margin to get to a place in a timely manner.   It further proved to me I never had enough time.

It is hard to admit these things, and difficult to shift out of them, especially if it’s how we’ve lived and what we’ve believed for the majority of our lives.

Growth is always worth fighting for.  And healing is possible.   Whatever that may—heartache, addiction, body image. It is difficult, but moving toward freedom—no matter how hard or tiny the steps we’re making—matters.

Once my friend was able to be brutally honest with herself about the lies she believed, she was able to make a choice: keep believing the lies, or move through the fear.

She has done the latter by making an actual game plan, inviting others into the dialogue for support, and step-by-step actively choosing truth.  The amount of movement she has made towards her artistic dreams in the last three months alone has been massive.  It’s a clear picture to me of how growth, freedom, and breakthrough is possible.


Now you may be thinking—that’s great—but what about ME?  What are tangible ways that I can start moving through my own fears.  What are the tools I need to start walking in more freedom?  Click here to download my Moving through Fear:  A Practical Guide to Living a Fear Free Life PDF.  And remember it’s a process.


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