Podcast

Divorce, Online Dating, Sugar Daddies, and More

08.28.19

Bianca Olthoff is a pastor, Bible teacher, speaker, author, and a million other things. She and her husband began planning churches this past year and their love story is incredible. She also just released a book where she shows us how to confront the hard truths of life. Our interview was cut short because of technical problems, but we had such an incredible chat about divorce, sugar daddies, the expectations we put on ourselves, and the mentalities that hold us back.

The Heart Behind Her Book

  • Bianca’s third book, How To Have Your Life Not Suck, is a sort of manual for her 25-year-old self that was facing life’s challenges.
  • “If you are not dead, God ain’t done, sister.”
  • She looks back on these lessons and sees how they apply to her life even today.
  • “It’s your story, it’s your pain, it’s your loss, it’s your tragedy, it’s your trauma, it’s your success, it’s your wins, and no one can take that from you.”
  • We love the up and down journeys of characters in films, but when we experience the downs in life, we want none of it. But we need it to become who we are.
  • “We want the progress without the process and it doesn’t work like that.”

Confronting Expectations

  • When Bianca turned 25, she looked back at the goals she set for herself several years earlier and found she was not where she wanted to be.
  • “I’m willing to step into the hard, I’m willing to be responsible.”
  • The difference between girls and women is not a matter of age, it is a matter of choice. Choosing to step into the hard work makes you an adult.
  • “There is beauty in the work.”

On Wanting Sugar Daddies

  • “We can wait around hoping, wishing, praying that Prince Charming will come and rescue us but the truth is that if we are believers in Christ we’ve already been rescued.”
  • Bianca challenges us to prove to ourselves that we can take care of ourselves.
  • She warns us to not take it too far, though. “In our independence we can push people away.”
  • If we are open for relationships, are we making that known? Like lights on taxis, we need to indicate if we are open or shut down to the possibility.
  • “We want to complain about things that we actually have control over.”

Bianca’s Love Story

  • Bianca was in her late 20’s and waiting for God to bring a man to her doorstep.
  • She ultimately started an online dating profile on eHarmony, where she ended up meeting her current husband, who had previously been married and had two children.
  • She was confronted by the opinions of society, her family, her friends, and her church.
  • “We have an opportunity to play a part in someone’s redemption story. That is a gift. That is an honor. But let me say this: that is not easy.”
  • “When you choose that person, you’re choosing their entire life.”
  • Ruth was a widow, was barren, could no longer have kids, and went to work and caught the eye of an amazing man who loved her.
  • “The moment you walk in in this servitude of ‘I can’t believe you’ve seen me, woe is me,’ is the moment you forget who you are. Child of God, you are fearfully and wonderfully made.”
  • If you are in that mindset, it will take work and therapy to achieve a healthy mindset.
  • “There are beautiful things that grow out of really dry and barren places so don’t give up.”

Now I’m not divorced, but did this talk with Bianca make me cry? YUP. I am so grateful for Bianca, her friendship, her book, and her story. Her book just came out yesterday and you can buy it on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or any brick and mortar shop. You can get more info at BiancaOlthoff.com or on social media at @biancaolthoff.

If you like the podcast, I want to invite you to subscribe to the podcast and leave a rating and review. It helps us to get the episode out to more people and means the world to us! We’d love to hear your reactions to this specific episode and what topics you want to hear more of!

Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to getting out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdatingtips to check it out! With you on the journey.

XO,

Kat Harris

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Podcast

Everything You Were Never Taught About Your Period

08.21.19

I am so excited to be chatting with my soul sister Kate Eskuri today! This episode we’re talking all about PERIODS. Ladies, you’re going to learn so much more than you ever did in health class. Kate is a registered nurse, holistic health junkie, and the voice behind The Foundation Blog. She is currently getting her doctorate degree in integrative health and healing and is passionate about helping women maximize their health by simple and foundational health practices. Our hope is that this conversation will empower you to do research and make informed decisions for that time of the month.

Finding The Balance

  • “What are you doing when you’re putting off something else?”
  • She knows that areas of Western medicine need improvement, but also recognizes that this medicine is the reason we are alive today after seeing it in action in the ICU.
  • However, chronic conditions that plague our country prove a need for a shift toward the holistic. We need to look at sleep, stress, and diet.
  • “I feel very at home in this spot in the middle.”

Becoming A Woman

“Everything in my life was very natural but yet I was still controlling this really natural and beautiful cycle.”

  • Kate never felt any shame around her period. “I just felt honored and excited about it.”
  • Her periods were regular but were more frequent than they should have been. “It takes a while to normalize your cycle.”
  • Wanting to prevent this near constant bleeding, she tried the NuvaRing but ultimately settled on the Mirena IUD which allowed her to continue ovulating.

Cons of Hormonal Contraceptive

  • “I completely trust my fellow woman to make the choice that is best for her. There is an option that is right for everybody.”
  • The hormones in contraceptives are not the exact hormones your body would make.
  • Hormonal contraception often suppress ovulation and ultimately suppress hormones that are natural and have important benefits.
  • “You’re inhibiting a very natural process that goes a lot deeper than just your period.”

The Phases Of Your Cycle

Ladies + Gents–the below is just an overview…you gotta listen to the whole episode to get the goods of each phase of your cycle!

1. Menstruation/Winter

  • Day 1: shedding the uterine lining.
  • You’re maybe feeling moody or withdrawn, experiencing cramps, and a need to slow down. It’s like the ‘winter’ season of the cycle.
    1. Follicular/Spring
  • Day 3 or 4: Follicle stimulating hormone is working on the dominant egg.
  • More energy in this phase, almost like stepping back into your skin.
  • This time is good for creative projects and you’ll experience clear thinking.
  • “You feel energetic and attractive… it’s just a really vibrant time.”
    1. Ovulation/Summer
  • Body releases egg as the pituitary gland signals for it to release.
  • “You can’t kind of ovulate—you either ovulate or you don’t.”
  • High energy, high sex drive, you feel attractive. Your hormones even make you more attractive to those around you. There is a study that shows a correlation between a woman’s scent during ovulation and a man’s attraction to her.
    1. Luteal/Fall
  • Progesterone—can make you moody and somber, but it’s really important.
  • “It is the yin to estrogen’s yang.”
  • Progesterone is calming, helps sleep, reduces inflammation, + builds muscles.
  • “The shift from being so estrogen dominant at parts of your cycle to progesterone dominant causes an influx of emotion—what we see as PMS.”

Getting To Know Your Period

“Your period health says a lot about your overall health.”

  1. Track Your Cycle!
  • Kate journals every morning and will write about how she is feeling on the previous day of her cycle. A few key words is all you need—nothing flashy!
  • Kate uses the Ava app and Kat uses the My Flo app.
  • “Your period story does not have to be suffering every month.”
    1. Books To Read:
  • The Period Repair Manual by Laura Briden (textbook info in novel format)
  • Hormonal by Martie Haselton (quick + easy relatable read)

Thoughts On Period Products

  • Thoughts on tampons? “Invest in organic—it does matter.” Regular tampons are covered in toxins.
  • Thoughts on menstrual cups? Tampons are single use and create waste so this is a great alternative. Kate uses OrganiCup and LOVES it. “I can’t believe I lived for so long without using it.” It’s easy to clean—simply boil between cycles. It may not be for everybody—some women say they experience more cramps using a cup.
  • Thoughts on Thinx? Kate hasn’t tried them, but Kat has some friends that swear by them and only use them during their periods.
  • “Whatever makes you feel most at home and comfortable with your period… I say go for it.”

You can keep up with Kate on Instagram at @kate.eskuri or at her website thefoundationblog.com. She shares everything from safe ways to grow out your eyelashes to yummy recipes. She has a post specifically about acupressure for periods too! “It all comes back to the base of introducing small integrative habits into your day to live your most balanced and vibrant life.” You can sign up for her email list to get secret special content that nobody else sees! If you join now you can see her evening rituals for better sleep and her all-natural grocery shopping guide.

If you like the podcast, I want to invite you to subscribe to the podcast and leave a rating and review. It helps us to get the episode out to more people and means the world to us! We’d love to hear your reactions to this specific episode and what topics you want to hear more of!

Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey.

XO,

Kat

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Podcast

Pursuing Purpose Regardless of Your Season

08.14.19

Today, we are very lucky to have one of my dear friends, Dianna Bautista, on the podcast. We go way back—she once gave me my dream Beyoncé haircut (from her XO music video) in my kitchen. She used to work as a celebrity hair stylist, but now she lives and works in Thailand, where she helps men and women come out of sex trafficking through her nonprofit, Shear Love International. This episode, we talk about living life to the fullest regardless of the season you are in (cough cough:  whether you’re married or not). She talks about her journey of healing from an abusive marriage, and why she is loving her season of singleness.

The WHY

 “I don’t want any woman to ever experience what I have experienced.”

  • The town she lives in is widely recognized as the sex tourism capital of the world.
  • She goes into brothels, pays pimps for time with a girl, and sits to talk with them. After they build trust with these women, they help them to see that there are ways out.
  • When she was little, she was unable to use her voice to help her brother who was a victim of sexual abuse. After she came home from a trip where she witnessed similar abuse, she was encouraged by her brother to use the voice she has now.
  • “There is no room in this world for complacency.”

Red Flags

“My faith meant something to me and I just thought it was okay that he ‘respected’ what I believed.”

  • She only realized after the fact that he did not dedicate enough time to her. “I felt only worthy of what he was willing to give me.”
  • Ladies: just because he is treating you better than other men have does NOT mean he is treating you well. “Any attention he gave me was good enough.”
  • “The way that you allow people to treat you is how they will always treat you.”

Pursuing Wholeness

“We need those friends in our lives who are willing to risk putting up the mirror.”

  • These friends help us confront truths, even when they are really hard to confront.
  • “His addiction to porn became such shame to me.”
  • It took her years of therapy and healing to realize that it had nothing to do with her. “That was his shame, not mine.”
  • Healing is a long process. “You don’t get to come out free the other side unless you do the work.”
  • She acknowledges that the healing process is often even more painful than what you need healing from—it’s like breaking a bone.

Healing takes TIME.

“I want the man of my prayers, not the man of my dreams.”

  • The healing is not only a slow process, but it’s also a never-ending process. “I’ll be on my journey until the day I die.”
  • Too often, we put our lives on pause because we feel it can’t fully start until we have that one person to do it with. Lady Dianna is doing all of this single.
  • Though she would be happy to be in a relationship, she is happy where she now.
  • I’m choosing to desire what God wants for me right now because the path I wanted to be on was never going to be a good idea.”
  • God’s best for you is better than you can imagine. “I want the man of my prayers, not the man of my dreams.”

We were unexpectedly cut off as we were wrapping up because her Wi-Fi went out, but I hope this conversation has been as encouraging for you as it has been for me. She is living her calling and I want women all over the world to hear her story and realize they don’t need to wait for their life to start. Check out her nonprofit Shear Love International where you can learn  more about it and support her by giving monthly donations. Also, I want to give a shoutout to her admin Sara who has been such a supporter of the podcast!

If you like the podcast, I want to invite you to subscribe to the podcast and leave a rating and review. It helps us to get the episode out to more people and means the world to us! 

Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey.

Fab Fit Fun is a seasonal subscription box that has FULL-SIZED beauty, fitness, fashion, and lifestyle products and I am so obsessed, y’all. The contents always have a worth of about $200 the boxes only cost $49.99! A few of my favorites from this box: a travel yoga mat, Vitamin C serum, and a gold eye mask. Even better? You get to customize what goes into your box! If you’ve ever thought about trying it—now is the time! If you go to www.fabfitfun.com and use code TRW, you’ll get $10 off your first box! 

XO,

Kat

Check out this episode!