Motherhood / Podcast

055: The Top 15 Questions You’re Dying to Ask the Men in Your Life // The Dudes Series #6

06.06.19

This is the FINAL episode of the Dudes Series, y’all! This is actually the first episode I recorded for the series and the one where I ask the top 15 questions you’re dying to ask the men in your life. This episode, I’m talking with Matt Dooley—you may recognize his last name because he is married to my good friend Jordan Lee Dooley, who just released her book Own Your Everyday. He is humble, unafraid of his wife’s strength, and a man of integrity. In this conversation, we tackle A LOT to get ready to take notes.

Do guys know when a girl has a crush on them?

  • No—you’ve got to spell it out for them.
  • “We don’t have the same emotional intelligence as women.”

Do guys develop attraction over time or does it have to be there from the get-go?

  • He knows this won’t be the case for everybody, but he knew the moment he met Jordan that she was the one.
  • “You want the person to love you for who you are—don’t change yourself so a person will like you.”

Which do you value more—respect or love?

  • He mentions a book called Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. The book outlines that while men and women need both love and respect, women need love most and men need respect most.

How do I know if he likes me?

  • He will prioritize you if he likes you.
  • “When you’re in a relationship with someone, you have to sacrifice for them.”

Is it true that if he is interested he will do whatever it takes to make it happen?

  • He’ll definitely pursue, but The Notebook isn’t real life.
  • Don’t be afraid to take a leap and start a conversation about it if he is not being clear.

Do you think guys and girls can be just friends?

  • No—biologically we were not wired for that.
  • “When the romance isn’t there, the friendship isn’t there.”

How can I let him know I am interested in being more than just friends?

  • The same way he will show you—give him your time.
  • “To love at all is to be vulnerable.” – C.S. Lewis

Would you recommend dating someone who doesn’t share your worldview or faith?

  • Shared faith is the rock-solid foundation of a successful relationship.
  • “When you have arguments and disagreements, you have this to fall back on.”

Are men intimidated by women with a successful career?

  • Men can be competitive by nature—but he should be focused on supporting his wife more than feeling insecure.
  • “Is she going to give me the time and attention that I need?”

What is something women do that feels emasculating?

  • He likes to pay for dinner on a date. Basically, let a man be chivalrous and honor you.
  • “If you don’t let a man put you first, he’s not going to put you first.”

How can a woman honor and respect the man in her life?

  • “Acknowledge his successes and encourage him.”
  • This is more effective than yelling at him when he makes mistakes.

What do you think men are looking for in a relationship?

  • They need someone to push them and call them on their crap.
  • “You want someone to call you out because you’re refining each other.”

Why do you think a lot of guys don’t date within their own community (like church)?

  • Fear of awkwardness at church every week if it doesn’t work out.
  • Some of them may do this because they don’t want the accountability.

What do you think is a guy’s biggest fear in a relationship?

  • Infidelity, especially if that is something he has been hurt by in the past.

Where are all of the single Godly men?

  • “Not every guy is going to look like Brad Pitt, have a six pack and love Jesus.”
  • Give a chance to the guy who is pursuing you.

Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love!

Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey.

XO, 

Kat Harris

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Podcast

054: How to Create a Culture of Honor in Dating // The Dudes Series #5

06.04.19

Hey, friends! The Dudes Series is back this week with Jeff Johnson, a worship pastor at Passion City Church in Atlanta. This episode is all about how to create a culture of honor in dating. Jeff shares his love story (he and his wife, Jourdan, dated off and on for 10 years), which is a beautiful reminder that love can look different for everyone. He also talks about the biggest fears guys have (spoiler alert: they have just as many as we do), pornography, and what to do when/if the guy you’re with shares that he struggles in this area.

Does attraction have to be there from the start?

  • Personally, he was physically attracted to Jourdan since the first time he saw her.
  • “Over the years, there are certain characteristics of hers that make me more attracted to her.”
  • Attraction is not just physical; attraction goes deeper than that. “Her character speaks louder than her beauty.”

How can a break be used for growth?

  • They broke up after being together for 8 years. Jeff thought he just needed time to work on himself, but Jourdan moved on and started dating a new guy.
  • “Every struggle I’m trying to work through needs to be about God… not for Jourdan.”
  • Jeff put in the work, invited his community in to the struggle, and sought counseling.
  • They got back together two years later when he was clear with his intentions with her. They were married within six months.

Which do you value more, respect or love?

  • “Guys want to feel respected and like they carry weight in the relationship.”
  • He acknowledges that men are wounded—some guys out there did not have the male leaders guiding them to step into their roles as a man.
  • “Extend grace to the guy that you’re walking with because they are broken.”
  • Sometimes we need to just remember that we are all broken and it is not productive to expect perfection from the other person.

What are the biggest fears guys have in relationships?

  • If they open up about something, they want to know they will be accepted and understood. They want to feel safe.
  • Being with someone 24/7, everything comes out into the open. “When you get married, there is nothing off the table.”
  • “I know your story and it’s covered by grace, just like my story is covered by grace.”

How do you discuss porn when he shares it is something he struggles with?

  • It’s hard for women to hear these struggles because they often fall into the trap of thinking they are not enough, which is not the case.
  • Think about if you see friends in his life bringing him closer to Christ and challenging him on this issue.

“That’s a really good indication of what her life might look like with this person… if he’s willing to fight through the hard things or if he’s not.”

Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love!

Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey.

XO,

Kat Harris

Check out this episode!

Podcast

053: The #1 Way to Know If He’s Into You // The Dudes Series #4

05.30.19

 

 

This week, the Dudes Series continues with Tim Timberlake! He is the pastor of Christian Faith Center in North Carolina. He has been married to wife Jen for five years and together they are the parents of a two-year-old named Maxwell Ace Timberlake. He calls himself a Christian first, a husband second, a father third, and then he’s a pastor.

How do you grow together in marriage?

  • Tim shares his experience as a divorced man who went on to find the love of his life.
  • “You can absolutely be married to God’s perfect choice, but if both people aren’t pursuing God, then that quickly changes.”
  • Communication can help us to grow together, because change is inevitable.
  • “Every want that I have is leading me towards my flesh.”
  • We have to lean into the promise from God that we will be with the person we are meant to be with.

 

“We don’t get let down by what happens to us, we get let down by what we expected not to happen to us.” 

 

3 things to put on your list:

  • Do you guys make those lists of perfect qualities you’d like in your partner?
  • “My list at 20 is completely different than my list at 30.”
  • Make sure that your list focuses on common ground—things that can bring you closer as a couple. Make sure he pursues Jesus, and physical attraction is important too!

 

 

How can we practice sacrifice as single women?

  • Love is a choice and there is no other relationship that sets us up for the sacrifices and commitment through the tough times when we are in seasons of singleness.
  • “The way that I treated my time with God was the exact same way I treated the people around me who needed my sacrifice.”
  • He notes that whenever he finds himself being short with the people he loves, he can pinpoint it to not spending enough time with God.
  • “I want this person to win more than I want to win in this relationship.”

 

 

Lightning round:

  • Can guys tell when a woman likes her? ABSOLUTELY! But misreads do happen.
  • Does attraction have to be there from the start? Attraction will constantly evolve.
  • Which do you value more—respect or love? Respect and honor go hand in hand. Honor is impossible without love. There has to be action behind it.
  • How do I know if he likes me? If he makes sacrifices for you, he’s serious about you. There’s a distinction to be made between want (convenience) and like.

You can keep up with Tim at TimTimberlake.tv or on Instagram at @ttimberlake and Twitter @timtimberlake.

Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love!

Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey.

Check out this episode!