When I was single, I could only grasp a vision of marriage from what I saw in those around me. I knew it required work and intentional communication. It seemed like it would be a joy to have someone to live life and create a home with. And I hoped it would be infused with laughter and sweet memories.
I’m now in my first year of marriage to my husband, Jason, and the transitions that come from sharing your life with someone else have been more cultivating, life-giving, and deepening than I imagined.
The first, and most obvious change: living with a boy. Honestly, the biggest transition has come in the form of being purposefully bothered by someone special, being tackled on the bed as if I were his sibling (his excuse: he never had brothers!), and being surrounded by loud melodies and random acting scenes. Truth be told: I love it! Thankfully we happen to have identical OCD. We have collided while picking up the same crumb off the floor; we both find a dirty shirt on the dresser to be offensive, and are distracted by water drops or fingerprints on the counter.
One huge adjustment has been that instead of going to my best girlfriend, my twin, or parents, it’s important for me to go to Jason first. I was initially limiting our growth as a couple by communicating the tough moments with those who had been closest to me my whole life instead of building an even greater trust with my husband. It was a habit I had to break, and it has been beautifully refining. A lot of our closeness has come from not sweeping conflict under the rug. In the end, the struggle, the slamming of doors, and the crazy emotions all end in a deeper appreciation for each one another.
Another big surprise is the idea of developing a similar life-rhythm as a couple. After thinking I was extremely gregarious prior to meeting Jason, I realized I am more of a social introvert, whereas he is a complete extrovert. I am a home body, but I love being with people as well; Jason could be with people constantly. It has been so sweet yet equally hard to be honest and seek to understand each other in this area; people pleasing has to go out the door! As a result, Jason has drawn me out of my shell a bit, and in return he has calmed his social schedule. We both deeply desire and cherish time alone together. He is thoughtful and aware of my social capacity, which in turn makes me more excited to be with people because I feel cared for and understood. Meshing two lives is unifying, hard, and in the end is one of the deepest bonds and most beautiful adjustments.
Some parts of marriage have been even better than I expected. Traveling together is my favorite. Sex is the best. Lazy days with him are too good. I feel more loved the more vulnerable I am (he’s an angel). Creating a home together. Just being together. Going on dates. Hanging with friends. Marriage honestly makes everything so much better.
I have deep relationships in my life, but I am coming to understand that you can have no deeper connection than with your husband. I love how we make decisions together, fight hard together, and expose our greatest flaws to each other; the good, bad, and ugly are truly exposed, and it is so vulnerable and makes love so real.
Making the transition from being single to being married truly exposes your deepest insecurities, struggles, and idols, yet in return showers you with the most lavish grace.