Life / The Refined Collective

Am I CRAZY for not having sex until I’m married ? // The Refined Collective


Katherine Harris talks about abstinence

This month’s Refined Collective Series is on focus.  What I love about this series is that each contributor takes the theme in whatever direction they feel compelled to.  This month I took our theme of focus and am sharing my journey on finding clarity in decision on why I’m waiting until marriage to have sex.  It always feels so incredibly vulnerable talking about this.  Thank you so much for your support! (photo c/o Sara Kerens)

I’m a 32 year old Virgin—yep you read that right.

I am secure and clear why I’m choosing to wait until marriage to have sex.  But for a long time I wasn’t.  For my teens and most of my 20s, I wasn’t having sex because I thought, that’s what it means to be a good Christian girl.

Then I moved to New York City.  And I fell in love.  Not having sex with someone I deeply cared about was really hard.  To be frank, in the heat of the moment because the Bible told me so was no longer compelling enough for me to keep my clothes on.

I quickly found that I was one of the only people I knew—Christian or not—who was waiting.  On top of my increasing desire, I began to wonder, is waiting until marriage to have sex an antiquated part of being a Western, Evangelical Christian?    Does God really have anything to say about sex? Do I care if He does?

am I crazy for not having sex until marriage

I felt confused and alone.

So I embarked on what turned into a year long journey of discovering my why.  I researched every verse in the Bible that talked about sex.  To my surprise, God had a lot to say about the matter.

I read everything I could get my hands on — from podcasts to books.  I talked to mentors, single friends, married friends, Christian friends, non-Christian friends, and everyone in-between.

It was a pivotal time in my life for multiple reasons:

  1. I learned that behind every rule is a God who is deeply invested in my heart.  My heart is what He cares about most—not me following a set of rules.  And if God’s best for me is to invite me into waiting, then I’m going to choose to trust Him.
  2. I’m not alone.  As much as it can feel like it at times, there are millions of people who are choosing to save sex for marriage.
  3. I now know with clarity why I am waiting.  And yes, part of it is because the Bible tells me so.  But on top of that, there are so many beautiful, soulful reasons why I’m choosing to wait until marriage to have sex.

If you’re confused…

If you’re wondering why in the world you’re even waiting, and does it even matter…

If you were waiting, then stopped—and are wondering what you want to do moving forward in your relationships…

If you need to be reminded that you are not alone on this journey…

Remember, you are not alone.  I truly believe the plans God has for your life are more abundant, adventurous, and creative than you could ever hope for.

I created this Free Resource Guide just for YOU to share with you 5 Resources While You Wait.


With you on the journey,

Kat Harris






This post is in collaboration with The Refined Collective Series. Be sure and check out the other ladies in this wonderful group Yvette Jain, Corie Clark, Jackie Viramontez, Brynn WatkinsSarah Shreves, Lauren Scruggs, Jessica Hoffman








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