photo c/o delbarr moradi
I had a lot of ideas about what kind of mom I would be before I became one.
I had visions of myself blissfully nursing my sleepy babe. Content and happy. And in later years, going on adventures with my wild toddler, chasing her around and enjoying having little buddy.
When my baby was born, I soon realized this idealized version of myself was a far cry from reality. Not that motherhood hasn’t been punctuated with moments that felt like heaven. But on the whole, I have faced long, never-ending days and many sleepless nights, and I have wondered with despair, “Why is this so hard for me?”
For me being the operative phrase. Because motherhood appeared to be easy for everyone else. It felt as though I was the only one struggling to find contentment in this new season.
Comparison is a robber. The thief of good things. It crept up on me in those dark moments, often when I was scrolling through Instagram or Facebook, and whispered, “Look how happy that mom is… ” or “Look at how good they are at getting out of the house every day.”
I didn’t really feel as though every mom had it better than I did. But when I saw a post that tapped into how I was falling short of my own ideal, it cut deeply into my heart.
I’ve talked about this before, but having a close friend gently tell me I might be dealing with postpartum anxiety was the first step in realizing that there was a problem, and it wasn’t my fault.
Yet even as I’ve walked through those issues, I still find comparison threatening my joy. It’s so easy to compare someone else’s highlight reel on social media with our own behind-the-scenes reality.
When I find myself tempted down that path, my saving grace is face time with moms who can keep it real. They remind me we are all struggling, because being a mom is actually hard work.
Sometimes though, even my best friends cannot help me. I have to take a step back and remind myself that my worth is not wrapped up in how good a mom I am. It’s not in how well I’m juggling being a mom and a business owner. It’s not in how good a wife I am. Or how many hours my kid sleeps at night or whether I can manage to feed her something green every day.
The truth is I am worthy because I am loved by God. I am created by Him to be loved and to love others. And I do not have to do anything to find my worth. I can struggle and cry and be weak because His love covers all those things.
Ironically, it can be hard to claim that because I have not made space for my relationship with God the way I used to before I was a mom. But I know in my heart they are true. I also know that God understands me. He knows where I’m at right now and He knows my heart.
So in each day, and sometimes moment by moment, I make the choice to say that I am a good mom. Not just good enough. But good. And so are you.
This post is in collaboration with some other Real (Cool!) Moms. Read their posts here :