Podcast

038: Wait, Pray, Love with Jessica Shakir

02.19.19

Jessica Shakir is a motivational speaker, celebrity hair and makeup artist, and beauty expert. Her passion is to help you use your voice to unveil truth and beauty. She is a dear friend of mine and we recently got to get together at my apartment to have some fun photoshoots and sit down and chat for the podcast. We talk about waiting for marriage, waiting for love, and praying to God.

Praying for Others

    • Jessica and I are both prayer warriors, praying for others, praying for celebrities.
    • She reflects on her experience working with Eminem, who was thoughtful and engaging the entire time they worked together.
    • “Lord, anoint the works of my hands. Help me to be a light, help me to reflect your love, even without having to say anything about the Bible or Jesus.”
    • As she was praying this before walking into her job, she remembered that she had been praying for Eminem for five years before the job. Her friend had asked her to.
    • “I wasn’t in the habit of praying for people I didn’t know.”
    • She began to pray for him every time she heard his music, praying that God would send the right people into his life to point him to Heaven.
    • “God used me to answer my own prayer.”
    • She remembers at the end of the job telling him “God bless you.” He was taken aback. He thanked her sincerely and said, “God bless you, too.”

Prayer + Love

    • She reflects on her wedding day and her vows to her husband, “It was an honor to wait for you, Vincent.”
    • “In that moment, I thought, “Dang, I wish I could delete all the times I compromised… I wish I could delete all the times I didn’t trust God more.”
    • She talks about her experience as a woman who waited to have sex until she was married at 36 years old. “It was powerfully intimate and wildly free.”
    • Though she was a virgin on her wedding day, she still experienced shame.
    • “My biggest regret is not trusting God more.”
    • She and her husband decided to not even share a single kiss until they were engaged. “It made every touch so magical and meaningful.”
    • They met at a Super Bowl party and once she found out he loves Jesus, she started crushing hard.
    • “I knew he would be in my life forever and somehow he would change it.” Seven months later, they were engaged.

A Season of Waiting

    • She recognizes that the time of waiting can be the perfect time to group in your faith.
    • “The only reason I can be this happily engaged is because first I was happily single.”
    • She recognizes all of the personal growth that she experienced during her waiting and how it all led her to where she is now.
    • “Every chance I got, I chose to feed my hope.”
    • She recognizes that you have to build muscles of integrity and waiting. “You can’t build muscle without pushback and rest.”
    • We share how we both spent time journaling and writing to our future husbands.

Jessica reflects Heaven to me and I just feel brighter after talking with her. I hope you feel the same way. You can keep up with Jessica on Instagram at @jessicashakirbeauty and at her websites: www.JessicaShakirBeauty.com and www.MyBeautyBFF.com.

Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey.

XO,

 Kat

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Podcast

037: Unpacking Toxic Masculinity with Mike Aidala

02.12.19

I’ve been so excited to chat with Mike Aidala. Our schedules finally aligned and we got to chat about physical fitness, toxic masculinity, transformation, and fostering healthy dialogue. I’m so challenged by all of his words. What if life wasn’t as hard as we made it out to be?

Focusing Inward

    • He decided after college that he would focus on strengthening his whole self and becoming the best version of Mike Aidala.
    • “I always knew that I had a real passion for helping people.”
    • He notes that his Instagram feed is a combination of strength training videos and more emotional and spiritual movement videos, like yoga acrobatics.
    • “I really love emotion and diving into the why behind everything I do.”
    • He enjoys athletics, but he is driven by the emotion behind all of the activities. The connection he feels to the movement.
    • “How can I better be completely engaged in this moment?”
    • Mike notes that lifting somebody into the air isn’t all about strength, it’s about developing trust and an emotional connection with whoever you are lifting.

Celebrating Wins

    • Sometimes we can get so caught up in the big picture that we forget to focus on the small everyday tasks and achievements that get us to where we want to be.
    • “That’s a dangerous word: only.”
    • We need to celebrate the wins more. We can see room for improvement everywhere, but we’ll never feel accomplished if we don’t see all we have achieved.
    • “When you fail, you’re growing.”
    • Instead of a typical gratitude journal, Mike likes to write down every day, “what went well and why.”

On Fitness Goals…

    • “You don’t really want to lose ten pounds, what you want is maybe your kids to like you, be engaged with your husband more, have better community with your friends. You think losing 10 pounds is going to get you those things. What we focus on is giving you confidence, showing you you’re strong, building your self-esteem. Before you know it, you’ve probably lost the ten pounds anyway, but that isn’t what you come back for, you come back because of the feeling you have.”

Toxic Masculinity

    • We discuss toxic masculinity—something a lot of people love to talk about.
    • “Being masculine isn’t toxic,” he says. Masculinity can be toxic, but it isn’t inherently toxic.
    • He recognizes that men do want to learn and be better in areas but being yelled at does not foster that change. We have to dive in to the hard conversations.
    • Mike wants people to be open with each other. Open to criticism, open to discussion.
    • Men and women can create better relationships with each other if they just communicate what they want.
    • We talk about the danger of using the word ‘should.’ “‘I want you to do this’ is a lot harder to say than ‘you should do this.'”
    • He encourages men to reach out to the women in their life and ask how they can support them.

So, friends, what if you sought to understand the people in your life? What if you learned to listen? What if you practiced supporting others?

You can keep up with Mika at @mike.aidala on Instagram and his website at mikeaidala.com where you can find his training programs.

Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey.

XO,

Kat Harris

Check out this episode!

Podcast

036: How to Pursue Wholeness Before Pursuing a Relationship with Amanda Blair Hopkins

02.06.19

 

Do you have one of those friends who gives the BEST love advice? The type of friend who is willing to call you out and say ‘no, this is not the guy for you,’ or ‘do you seriously not see that he is super into you?’ I hope so, because they’re the best. Amanda Blair is that friend for me. We sat down to record this episode and she shared her story and her dating journey. I even opened up about a recent date I went on and an ambiguous guy friendship I have.

 Remember the phrase I use ‘rejection if protection?’ Amanda is the one who first encouraged me to view rejection this way. “When someone else says no, it’s not a personal attack against us.”

Amanda was also the first one to call me out and say that there was something between me and this guy I was interested in. I realized I kept getting stuck in these male friendships because I would tell myself I was just ‘the friend.’ Nobody was saying this to me, but I kept shutting the door in relationships because I didn’t think I was worthy. I was playing small, so I was attracting emotionally unavailable guys.

 

Reflecting on her childhood, Amanda discovered the reason she has certain patterns in her romantic life. “I was so desperate for someone to tell me that I was worthy and I was good enough… I just let men walk all over me.” After moving to New York and developing an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and men, she began yoga teacher training and began to confront her relationship with drinking. Her anxiety nearly disappeared when she became sober, something I have also experienced in the last six months.

Knowledge alone doesn’t transform us. We can know that a person is bad for us and still want to be with them. Newly in a relationship, the guy she was seeing told her that he saw a future with her that included having a family with her. She fell into Disney Princess Syndrome. But soon after, he ghosted her. “I was done believing that I needed to be saved.”

We so often look to guys to validate us, when deep down it is our past self that needs the validation. When we are upset that a guy doesn’t want us, we don’t need to reach out for them, we need to reach inward and recognize that child in us that just needs validation from our present selves.

Again, knowledge doesn’t transform us… we can still fall back into old patterns. Just because you’re in the pattern again doesn’t mean you’re back at square one. To break an unhealthy pattern, Amanda gets to the root of feelings through journaling. ‘When did you first experience this? Who were you experiencing it with? What did you need from them?’ Through this, we can acknowledge our brain chemistry and rewire it to break patterns and move toward healing.

“The more we block our path up with these ambiguous people or people we’re not really into, we’re just creating road blocks and the thing we want can’t get to us.”

 

“We have to be fully integrated and whole humans to welcome in another fully integrated and whole human.” When we get clear on all of this, we can establish and stick to boundaries that acknowledge our worth.

This was pretty much a normal conversation Amanda and I would have. Isn’t she the best? If you loved Amanda, would you head over to iTunes and let us know what you thought in a review?! It would mean the world. You can keep up with Amanda at www.amandablair.org or on Instagram at @xoamandablair.

Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey.

XO,

Kat Harris 

Check out this episode!