019: Tackling Fear and Anxiety with Kat Harris


This week, there’s no guest. Just me. This is the first time I’ve done this on the podcast y’all. It feels vulnerable, but I woke up yesterday with this overwhelming sense that I wanted to share with you the greatest tool I have to tackle anxiety.  

Do you ever get those nudges from deep down.  It’s like God is tapping you on the shoulder and nudging you forward, and you can’t ignore it?  Ya…that was me this week. I knew that I knew that I knew that I had to share with you about overcoming fear and anxiety as soon as possible.

…All I can remember is this feeling of hot, burning tears squeezing out of my eyelids, and my cheek pressed to the cold tile of the bathroom floor.

It was my first anxiety attack.  I was in the middle of photographing a wedding when it hit me like a bus. Luckily I had an assistant photographer there to take over while I ran out of the reception.

God, what is going on with my body?

I felt so scared.

I felt out of control.

It was that fight or flight response, but the thing is that I was not in a fight or flight situation. The cortisol rushed through my body and my body didn’t know how to handle it. I shut down.

You see our bodies are designed to heal us.  That fight or flight response is activated when our mind signals to our bodies there’s an emergency…call in the troops…sound the alarms. It’s the thing in us that jolts our body if we cross the street and almost get hit by a car and last minute jump out of the way.

But sometimes our fight or flight activates when we’re not in a life or death situation.  You see our bodies respond to our minds, and our minds respond to our thoughts.

There are a million ways to ease the symptoms of anxiety, but what is it that is causing these attacks? We have to dig deeper.  

At that time, I would have told you that I believed God had a plan for me. But deep down? My core thought life believed:

  • If it was meant to me it was up to me.
  • Other people won’t take care of me, I have to take care of myself.
  • God probably wasn’t really listening to me.

And if those things are true, then ya…a semi-stressful situation becomes overwhelming fast.

What are the limiting beliefs, fears, and lies…the thoughts maybe you’re even afraid to admit you have that are sparking fear and anxiety within you?

Here’s the thing, there’s hope because:

Light always overcomes darkness. And truth defeats fear.  ALWAYS.

So pause.

Take a deep breath in and out.

Can you identify the fear?

Can you replace it with something that is true?

As you sit, take a moment to do this. Breathe in and breathe out longer. When we have longer exhales than inhales it physically communicates to our minds that we are safe.  It’s a pretty wild thing. Once again, our bodies designed to heal.

One of the tools I turn to often when fear comes knocking is literally OUT LOUD speaking truth to myself.

When I need truth spoken over to me, I turn to a poem written by Danielle Bennett.  I can’t even begin to tell you how much this woman and her words have brought life to my weary soul in my moments of need.

“She has seen a succulent survive enough times to know that she is much stronger than she thinks.”


Tune in to the episode to hear the full poem. Find what resonates with you. Share with me over at @therefinedcollective on Instagram. You are not alone on this journey.

This episode is brought to you by the guide I made on moving through fear. You can find it here .



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018: From Friend Zone to the End Zone with Quddus and Carmina


It’s been a summer, y’all. The Carters have released a joint album. But this week we’re focusing on a different power couple: Carmina and Qudduce. These two are newlyweds and founders of Camera Ready, a media coaching company. Quddus is a speaker who has been a host of TV shows like TRL and Access Hollywood. Carmina focuses on self-development and meaningful learning. I have been under their mentorship for several years now, and they have taught me so much. This episode we’re going to talk about love, self-development, and the  masculine and feminine energy.


The Love Story

  • They met at a party and she recognized him from their acting class. She walked right up to him and told him he should start showing up to class more.
  • They were friends for years before they ever entered into a relationship. “I remember always finding comfort in your hugs and your smile.”
  • The two went through phases of being single and taken and taken and single and the timing was never right. “The beautiful thing is that things change.”
  • Carmina recalls a moment when Quddus was standing in front of her silently at a graduation from a program she was taking part in.
  • “This is your husband. This is your soulmate. I felt it in my gut. It was the most certain thing I’ve felt in my entire life.”
  • On a car ride to a retreat, Carmina confessed all of her feelings.

The Self-Development

  • Carmina began her self-development journey after getting out of an unhealthy relationship.
  • She realized that she was in control of the bad in her life so she decided to change it to good.
  • “It’s being able to take a look at our lives instead of constantly being in our lives.”
  • Behavioral patterns form our identity. We are more flexible than we think, and mindset is a game-changer.
  • Quddus was in a rut in his career and had a friend suggest a personal development class. Six months in, he found a breakthrough in work and in personal relationships.


Water & the Grand Canyon

  • We talk a lot about masculine and feminine energy, something it took me a lot of time to really accept and understand.
  • There is unhealthy and healthy feminine and masculine energy; it’s not a label for men and women, but rather types of energies.
  • New York City has a masculine energy that is grasping, go-getting, and the hustle is real.  Whereas a city like Los Angeles has a more feminine energy with flexibility, the ocean, nature and more space to be rather than do.
  • In a new wave of feminism, it can be hard to recognize these energies, but it doesn’t have to be in conflict with it.
  • Water is feminine and water created the Grand Canyon. It is a powerful force, but it is a different force. We would it look like to reclaim our feminine strength.

Finding Your Voice

  • Camera Ready recognizes that the problems of the world get solved when people find their voices.
  • The focus is on coaching people not on confidence, but on vulnerability, because that is what brings connection between speaker and listener.
  • Public speaking is the number one fear for a lot of people. But don’t fear and excitement give us the same physical feeling- butterflies?
  • “Anxiety is excitement that isn’t allowing itself to be expressed.”


Friends, it is time to reframe our attitude toward fear, energies, and personal development. I could talk with these two for days and days. I hope you love these two as much as I do and learn a bit from them. You can find them at Cameraready.co, @coachcarmina, @quddus, and @cameraready. Go connect with them!


This episode is brought to you by the free PDF guide called “Moving Through Fear.” It is full of resources that I hope will help guide you through rejecting the lies in your life and finding the truth.

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017: The Heart of Dating | a conversation with Kait Warman and Kat Harris


Kait Warman is an LA-based lifestyle blogger, inspirational speaker, creator of the podcast “The Heart of Dating”, and co-founder of the creative content company Kait Kat. She is a dear friend and single Christian woman. She is particularly focused on heartbreak and relationships.  And her mission is to empower women to have the courage to own their story, walk in victory, and thrive with purpose. Her hope is that the dating world will change. Today we talk all about navigating the world of dating as Christian women in 2018.


Dating Stories: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

  • Kait tells me about her worst date.  She dressed up all fancy for their reservations at a nice Italian restaurant? and he was wearing gym shorts, Nike slides–you know the kind you wear in the shower, and wet hair.  Like did he forget they were going on a date, and remember when he was mid-shower?
  • We talk about how men think women’s expectations are astronomical, but they really are not.  It’s the little things, and the thought and detail that matter. Whether a walk in the park with a coffee, or remembering something specific from a previous conversation and following-up on that.
  • “It doesn’t matter where your bank account is, it matters where your heart is.”
  • “I want you to dress up however you like, and be ready for a surprise evening.” ?the best date Kait has ever been on. (Of course I had to ask her what her best date was if I asked her what her worst date was).
  • There was romantic jazz music, and a French restaurant involved, you guys. And then, they saw La La Land at the Hollywood Bowl with a live orchestra!!  All the feels y’all.
  • She loves when a guy puts thought and research into a date, but recognizes it goes both ways. “We can also plan dates for guys.”

Drop the Hanky

  • We talk about how women like to be pursued.  But also what it’s like to create space in an inviting and feminine way–not manipulative–to let a brotha know you’re interested.
  • Back in the day, a woman would sit in a café, make eye contact with a man, and drop her hanky. This was an invitation for him to come pick it up.  It let him know she was interested in him. How can we practice droppin’ the hanky today ladies?
  • Kait talks about the book How to get a Date Worth Keeping by Henry Cloud and being active in finding a man.
  • “Girl, unless you’re going to be marrying the FedEx guy, God is not going to be dropping a man at your doorstep.”
  • There are so many places to meet a guy, and you gotta to be open to it looking differently than you thought it would look for yourself.
  • Aside from dating, just be open to small conversations with people in the name of being friendly and present. “We just want to be seen.”
  • Practice the art of being curious.
  • “There’s so much beauty in recognizing the value of people, even in small ways.”

The Heart of Dating, The Fear of Dating

  • We all have rocky relationship pasts, but discussion of this came to the forefront of Kait’s life in the last few years.
  • The Bible doesn’t have a lot to say about dating in particular.  But man does it have wisdom. We all need more resources and The Heart of Dating is that resource.
  • “For me, what would be most impactful is just starting the conversation.”
  • Kait recognizes that she has wrapped up her identity in past relationships, and she fears having that happen again.
  • “My whole life battle and journey has been in seeking affirmation in men.”
  • Recognizing fears is one thing, and moving through them is another. We can’t box up fear and let them sit in our minds.  They’ll just fester.
  • “That box is never going to disappear unless you sort through it and get rid of it.”
  • She took the time to write out all of the lies she has been telling herself. Then, she replaced those lies with truths. She took control of her own healing.
  • “God, I am going to reroute my thoughts. I am going to take every thought captive and make them obedient to you. I want to renew my thoughts.”

What She Has Learned

  • We don’t have just one soul mate. Just think if one person in the whole of human existence made a mistake–the whole thing would crumble. The one becomes the one when we choose them, and then continue to choose them each day.  If you want to read more about this, read The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas.
  • It’s important to recognize that we need to be using our time of singleness wisely. This is something we have learned through a mutual podcast guest, Jon Tyson!
  • Give people an opportunity and step out of your comfort zones! Be open to God’s plans.

You can find Kait over at @kaitness and @heartofdating. Go start a conversation with her, friends!

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