Photos c/o Kinsey Mhire
Madison Hedlund is a life coach and speaker who helps women own their story, step out of fear and shame and come alive to their most vibrant, confident selves. Known for her soulful spirit, she brings authenticity, power, and creativity into all she does. Whether she is working with clients, facilitating a workshop, or speaking to a large group, Madison’s deepest desire is to see women truly come alive.
Is your people-pleasing keeping you from living fully alive?
You’re an amazing daughter, sister, wife, friend. You serve others, sacrifice your own needs, and love to make others happy, but in the midst of all your giving, something feels off.
Keeping the peace, rising to meet expectations, and bending over backwards to make others happy takes a toll on your spirit! We people-please only to later feel resentment and frustration at the ones we love most. We make ourselves small, swallow our tongues, and lose our voice to keep the peace, and after a while, it doesn’t feel so good. In fact, it leads to a heap of ugly emotions welling up inside!
If you’re sacrificing your dreams to keep the peace, if you’re going against your values at work, if you’re allowing your family’s expectations to dictate how you live, or pretending things don’t bother you because you’re afraid to bring up drama and come across as “overly sensitive,” then you’re out of alignment.
If this is you, hear me please: there is another way! You’ve got to get into integrity with what your heart is telling you! It’s as simple as aligning your inner world with your outer world; setting boundaries that allow you to live with genuine love. Meaning, you can still be loving and honor your limits.
How do you do this? It’s all about knowing where you begin.
1. What do you stand for?
If you have never done a values assessment or written down your mission statement in life, now is the time. Grab a journal and answer some of these questions: What are your values? What 5 areas of your life are the most important to you? What qualities do you admire the most? What are your priorities right now?
When you are clear on what you stand for, you have an outline on what to say yes and no to. You can give your energy to the things that uphold your values, support love, and bring the most joy into your life. This allows your “no” to actually protect love, allows you to give more, and upholds the life of integrity you long for!
2. Get honest with yourself.
Nothing feels more “yuck” than receiving a gift from someone who feels burdened by gifting it. You can sense the lack of genuine love, the resentment, and frustration. That’s what it’s like to give from a place of obligation instead of overflow. (AKA: you’re not fooling anybody!)
You must get honest with yourself and set clear boundaries.
A simple tip: do a journal “brain dump” and write down all the raw and honest feelings you have about your commitments and the boundaries within your relationships. Are they serving you? Are they making you resentful or overwhelmed? Do they uphold all the good things you stand for?
This exercise will show you where people-pleasing needs to end and where new boundaries need to be set.
3. Live in alignment.
When you know what you clearly stand for and are honest with yourself about where you can truly give, you can begin to shift from people-pleasing into heart-life alignment. Living like this will allow you love so much better; your gifts are given in generosity and gratitude. Your “yes” becomes a “hell yes!” and your energy is devoted to what matters most, and you, well you are fully alive, in your power, and owning your life.
People-pleasing cuts us off from our inner voice and keeps us living on everyone else’s terms.
It keeps us living in fear and it masquerades as love. Genuine love, however, knows where it begins. It allows us to give from an overflowing cup, to give without the need for approval and honor our truth in love. Living in alignment allows you to say yes and no and mean it.
Let go of your people-pleasing and start to live from genuine love, a love that is rooted in your values, honesty, healthy boundaries, and an overflowing cup.